Saturday, January 8, 2011

icing on the top.

I love my new bag.

Within the time span of 6 months, I realized what I believe is the true meaning of love.

I know I have caused you to be uneasy. I don’t know how I can explain it to you. I can’t condense the amount of emotions I feel for you. You, in your own unique way, have impacted my life. You, as an individual in this world, complete me. The enormous emotions (or I can’t singularly think of a proper way to describe this immense ‘feeling') has given me a new light. It, this, whatever it is, could strongly be referred to as love. A multiple (or possibly the right term would be compound) feeling that has taken over my body and convinced, hexed, or possibly enchanted me to love you the way I do.

facebook note repost 10

sometimes i think too much. literally.

by Jacy Moore on Monday, November 1, 2010 at 10:27pm

I wonder if I dove too fast. I wonder if this will last. I wonder, I wonder a lot.

You make me feel capable of conquering planets. As if, I can control destiny. As if, I can do anything. Sometimes, I question myself to the point I forget what I was thinking in the beginning.


I could probably stare at you for hours and never grow tired of it. Then eventually, I’ll have to use the bathroom or eat. Maybe shower too. Well so, I think you are capable of making me feel wonderful. I’m scared, without a doubt, I am really scared. I’m scared of feeling afloat all the time that I’m around you. Forgetting the conscious thought of possibly hitting the ground. Since my soul is far beyond the clouds, free floating in midair, I am without a conscious thought. Perhaps like the negative aspects of crashing and burning in the end scares me. Maybe, it’s me. I think I’m a tad bit more paranoid about us, since I was in such unusual terms with someone who once was dear to me. Don’t get me wrong, I like this. It’s almost as if I am growing to like it more each day. I like the feeling you give me. I hope I give the same feeling too. Since, this feeling should be felt by everyone. It's just that wonderful. It is new, it is revival, and it’s beyond my understanding of any word that I could possibly sum-up.


Because I know what you are thinking.

I have to get use to the idea that this isn’t all about fun and games. I mean, I am dealing with people’s emotions. Emotions that can cause destruction like poorly built landmines. These emotions can burst into happy bubbles as well as sad, upsetting bubbles. I think I’m just use to the idea of what was before you; the idea of being free. However, that’s not the case anymore. I have to put the same amount of effort or even more to make up for such faulty actions I have recently done. I don’t know what to state anymore but I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being serious as much as you might think to be otherwise.

Just so you know, I think you are amazing. I do.

To tell you the truth, I was in your seat. I was. I know, even stating what I will be stating is bad, since I’ve been doing it a lot lately. I want to stop doing it too. Hence, I have to recall the past by bringing it to our present for you to understand what I’ve gone through. I keep undermining that this is a beginning; our supposed new beginning. So it does get tiring, doesn’t it? Recalling such supposed happy times of my life which also distraught the very insides of my mentality. Well, the point is… I’ve lost track of the foundation of a relationship. It’s not about being selfish. It’s about meeting in the middle.


Always straight ahead.

facebook note repost 09

nobody's really winning.

by Jacy Moore on Wednesday, November 4, 2009 at 5:25pm

Then reality settled in and I had a bottle of whiskey at hand.

I could recall a time, when I said I never would. I could recall a time, I said a bit too much.

I find it difficult to trust anybody. I find it difficult to not do what is not good for me. I find it difficult to tell people what I truly feel for that they might think I'm a hypocrite. Although, I already know I am.

Double jeopardy’s got me on a chokehold.

I begin to wonder why I do the things I do without thinking twice about them. I suppose, I'm one of those people whom live for spontaneity. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be in the position I am now. I dislike the feelings that relate to this matter. I dislike the many feelings that relate to anything that involves this matter. I don't want to get carried away. I dislike the efforts that are set forth to being carried away. I know, I'm human but I'm human enough to know the battlefields that are out there. I've won battles, I've lost some too. This is all a part of everyone’s existence. Winning, losing, learning, and so forth. I also don't want to hold anyone back as much as I don't want them to hold me back. You do the things you do because you like doing them. I'm not one to tell you otherwise. Even if these things disrupt my morals. You are a person too, and I am my person as well. I've conquered and striven for the best. I want to stay in this moment where I can control my feelings with the utmost care. Let’s keep it the way it is.

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i believe in ghost and aliens.

by Jacy Moore on Friday, November 6, 2009 at 12:30am

If an opportunity is given, take it. That is, if it is suitable to your liking. Life is too short to miss the many opportunities that life offers. Make yourself happy for once. Happy, even for a short amount! Grab all the happiness you can! Be selfish and love it. I like happiness as much as it likes me back. I do hope.

- - -

Looking with my eyes closed
Because I'm too nervous to say this
Maybe, I'm speaking before I think

I've grown accustom to these feelings
And this might be the last straw
I'll never forgive myself

As much as I want to,
I kind of have to,
Say it, before I mean it
Because I tend to do before I think

Sometimes, I can't help myself
But speak before my mouth even opens
Can you get the gist of this?

I'm sorry to have to tell you this
Vaguely tell you this
This might be a maybe, rather than a yes

I can't do what I thought I could
Since even the smallest impact
Can cause the biggest devastation


I'm going to fall in love without you.

facebook note repost 07

i never listen to what i say.

by Jacy Moore on Monday, November 1, 2010 at 10:31pm

I'm on the verge of exploding and letting you see my insides. Yes, I know it won't be a pretty sight because I have so much to say and do. To let you know, my deepest secrets and craziest stories. So you can know, who I am, truly am. You might least expect my stories, be taunted by mystery and enthralled by my sarcastic deliveries.



What I know and not know of the future, present, and past. You might jump over the fence instead of being by myself side and holding my hand. As impatient as I can be, I'm willing to chase after you, a little. Maybe, I might have to take halt or two, and rethink strategies. Whether I should just give up and see what other horizons I can see other than yours. Besides that, I'm a little of this and so much of that. You'll figure that out later...



If you can't handle it, then beat it. I can make your nerves feel the strangest feelings in the world. I really can and you could probably do the same to me too. I forgot to mention that the difference between you and I, is the gap of everything and anything withheld within our experiences. You and I have certain outlooks that might never meet in the middle now, but it will eventually. Maybe, if we allow such things to happen. Regardless of all the nonsense, this is now and whatever this is, will be it until we both take the pleasure of going beyond or maybe just giving it away. Who really knows?



My feet is giving in,

but I'm still standing

Still standing, feet firmly planted on the floor



I don't want to fall, just yet

I don't want to fall, just yet

I don't want to fall, just yet



It's too early to tell

It's too early to decide

It's too early to fall



I'm scared for any of this

To happen, to happen to us

The ice is thinning

and I'm feeling weary of the next chapter



So baby, let's just stick like this for a while,

A long while, because I can't

I can't do any of this



I thought I could hang on,

Hang onto the strings

Keeping myself up,

Barely keeping myself up



But I can't, I'm about to

I can't hold on any longer

My feet is giving in and I'm about to

when I know I'm not suppose to



It's too early to tell,

It's too early to decide,

It's too early to fall



Give in, Give in, Give in,

Darling, don't

You dare let me fall

facebook note repost 06

to lie, to deceive, to make believe.

by Jacy Moore on Sunday, November 15, 2009 at 2:34am

I don't need this in my life.

With a lot of momentum, I'm going to quit these bad habits. As much as you've heard it before, I'm going to try my hardest this time around. Basically, to implement a higher standard form of rules so I can eliminate this disease like outlook people perceive of me. I'm not so fond of it as much as others are. I can do it. I really can. Control is a virtue. Do not get me wrong, I do not mind if these habits are those of others. That is their own set of loophole they've created or set for themselves. As for I, I can do without such negative outlooks that make me feel as if I need some sort of antidote for the rest of my life. I mean, I need to start now, not really for those who dislike it, but for me. I am my own enemy. I feel as if I'm fighting this never ending war with a mirror image of myself. Although there are some of those who find it attractive. I can't say much for them. I need to control myself. I need to meet in the middle of what is right and what is wrong. To stay neutral and completely happy, and without anything amidst.

"It's not me. It's just an alternative me."

facebook note repost 05

the party just arrived.

by Jacy Moore on Sunday, November 29, 2009 at 1:27pm

It’s not about me anymore I’ve seen inside the looking glass And there is confetti everywhere
This road is going nowhere fast Hands inside my pockets Feeling loose coins jingle I take a deep breath and think About a lost locket That probably went inside the sink It’s not about that anymore I’ve driven pass this spot Thoughts flow like ocean waves smoothly crash Blocking all religious views Diving into the unknown The cure was once Laughing rather than crying a lot, a lot Their all on my side now Some may be doubtful But I could care less Since none of this is at all frightful Deprived from sleep Infected with the yawning disease I grew accustom to contentment Without nothing but happiness Being personally released Morals in the deep end The bargain I told myself a million times Before I’ve feasted in more But there was a point when I mended What was, what is, and what comes after

- To be continued

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what to focus on.
by Jacy Moore on Monday, November 1, 2010 at 10:32pm

Beneath me.

I'm stuck with horrible fixations that once had me coughing up blood. Certainly, I should know better than this but the radio is on maximum and I could care less if you came with the intention of telling me otherwise. I dislike what has become of this prolonged silence with myself. I don't want to admit to myself the bad and the ugly of this educed immoral life of mine. I want to break habits as I've told myself further and further before. I think I should cut all ties to the opposite sex so I can truly focus on the brighter things in life. But honestly, I don’t think this will ever work out.

For the lack of better words, “insert bad word here.”

Growing accustom to a lifestyle so different from yours can be time constraining. You use so much of your time killing yourself over something so small because it isn’t seen fit to do anything otherwise. You are faced with options that leave you pondering questions like, “Why didn’t I choose the red one instead of the green one?” You think you could do this particular thing because it leaves you smiling. But the world surrounding you, chooses otherwise for you. Certainly, the one you don’t want to do, you are forced to. For the lack of better words, fucked.

You thought everything was going to be okay. Well, you were wrong.

I want to stop thinking. Maybe it'll help prolong this distance. I have no idea what I got myself into. The piles of workload are alarming. To think or not to think. I’d pick, to not think whatsoever. I’m tired of this cycle, back and forth to the same routines. need a picker upper, please? A place with free thoughts and no workload piles. Might I add an endless buffet of everything I like to eat! The shellfish is much too selfish.

Mercy.


You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.

A photo says, you were happy, and I wanted to catch that. A photo says, you were so important to me that I put down everything else to come watch.

You can love someone so much, he thought. But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.

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she got it all figured out, or so she thinks.

by Jacy Moore on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 11:30pm

Caught a falling star and placed it in your pocket
Everything is illuminating
And, your lips are against my collarbone
My arm against yours,
Arm rested, of course

Baby, you know me so well
Baby, you know me so well
Baby, you know me so well
So you and I thought

Maybe, we will be better off this way
You've got your mind set on a fancy trip
And all I've got is this ticket to no where land
When this is over, we'll be both set for the other side

With your bright smile and lengthy arms
Almost, almost around mine
I have a gigantic grudge against your short hair
And, I don't like it much when you talk
That crude, rude, and moody way either

This is my undercover sly style
The truth is, is beyond the expected
You make the days worth fighting for
Living, breathing, and smiling
Liking each day once again,
More, more, and more
With your lips against my collarbone

Baby, you know me so well
You are a cold-hearted man but I'm not a fool
You've got me twisting my words, slurring my lines
Oh, I've made myself fall again again again
Reminding myself of you in this no where land

Slipping reality and I'm laying on my bed
Knowing none of my hallucinating thoughts are true
But baby you are here
And, your lips are against my collarbone
So this much I believe to be true
I do, I do, I do

Again with the melodramatic lines, memorized the night before. Cheap drinks and endless tokes of polluted air. Why must I persist with this unhealthy game? I know I'm losing this never ending war. A battle tampered with too many times before. I'm always losing. Always. My hundredth or so white flags are against the wall. I stare at it every night, reminding myself, “You will never win, you will never win.” Then, I sleep with a little reassurance, I might win tomorrow. Might.

facebook note repost 02

written before the time ended.

by Jacy Moore on Sunday, January 3, 2010 at 9:15pm

My hands are high up with a glass held by one hand, cheering to a new year and saying goodbye to an old year that had me cycling up and down. The new year is just around the corner, hopefully filled with unforeseen memories that'll leave my heart wanting more. I know saying goodbye is never easy, I've learned so much. But this time, I'm willing to move forward with all new hopes and dreams of different pursuits of pure happiness. Whatever comes my way, will come eventually. Happiness, sadness, etc. I can't wait to breath in a new air of reality. I can't wait to encounter more friends than foes. I won't be as scared as I was. I will try to see a world in a perspective other than my own. By this, I'm surely to get my feet wet this time. Definite and infinite is what I am crossing my fingers for. To be able to speak my freewill without biting my tongue since I've learned so much. Let this new year embrace me as I open my hands wide, and wider. I cannot wait to learn from new mistakes and love till my heart cannot bear to beat again.

facebook note repost 01

Anything you say goes.

by Jacy Moore on Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 10:19pm

I met this new profound hope in my dream.

Dancing is a reminder that I can move without hesitation, swinging my hip from right to left or left to right. Laughing makes me loosen tension hidden within my fibers. Crying helps me become a stronger person because I believe with every tear shed, brings new forms of happiness. Music will always protect and keep me company during days or nights. Whenever it is, music will always be good company. Art leaves my body in every color that can be foreseen by the human eye, creating nothing more but a subtle master piece with a discrete meaning. Love lost its way to my open hands so I fought back by eating as much as I can. Books are resourceful for a dream not yet factual. Food is close enough to be the love of my life since I cannot live without sustenance. Friends made me realize growth is necessary to become an individual. Family means more than all.

Mother Nature discovered me today.